So THIS is the how you spell retirement – the word for what I do with my days. It is writing, yes. Writing to question, if not exactly with intent. Writing to explore, if not quite to declare. Writing to learn, and perhaps to share.
I continue to find that the writing I do in a group and with limited time forces out something that simply does not appear on its own. So with gratitude for my groups inside prison and for my groups outside in the world, I post this Sunday’s musing – the only possible word for it.
THE WORD FOR WHAT I DO OR DO NOT DO*
In the grandiose silence of snow
woven around the waist of my universe
I disappear into its generous pocket
nesting where I may letter and draw
clouds of my own making, punctuate
the blankness of winter light.
This is what I do not do, but would, if . .
I could believe my words held merit
beyond the fiery walls that warm me; if
I could grab hold of something outside myself
to speak the words I know to be true
believing them to be of use to another; if
I held conviction in my heart as strong
as my need to use words in service
to create, to challenge, to change.
The word for what I do, then, would be
courage – courage to reach deep
into my heart and pull up the truths
that hibernate yearlong in silence,
rousing them to revolt, reveal
and revel in the life given me.
The words would unravel
what is tightly wound around
waist and heart, bask in the light
that travels me through each day,
light that speaks the truth
of its own religion.
*inspired by lines from two Billy Collins’ poems,
‘Snowy Day’ and ‘Shoveling Snow with Buddha’