credit – 123rf.com

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Tagline.”

Historically I am a seeker of, among other things, better ways to do what might present itself to me. This has not always proven useful, ensuring for instance my inability to do anything the same way twice. Like recipes, which are only a suggestion. Trying different methods to engage or discipline my children. Approaching my spouse with the idea-of-the-day to remain novel and interesting. In fact, whatever was in front of me seemed to require nimble re-definition and re-working in one endless challenge to do it afresh. This can prove quite exhausting over time.

I recall my father once confiding that he rewrote his ‘Chem 105’ notes each and every year – 40 of them. I did the same with endless writing group agendas, even though I could easily have reused them. I believed that continuous updating would keep the materials – and perhaps more importantly, myself – vibrant and engaging for each subsequent group.

I apparently adopted a way of living that pushes-pushes-pushes me. To outdo myself. To extremes of busy-ness. To extremes of fatigue. Without even giving myself a break between improvements. Can you imagine living in a house under constant construction
f-o-r-e-v-e-r with no end in sight? Welcome to my world.

credit – ehow.com

But now that I’m attempting retirement, and fully understand that there are no medals for over-doing, I need to release this overdrive-drive-drive to enhance, change, make more beautiful or functional. For too many decades this drive has filled the primary landscape of my heart. Today it will only drive away those I cherish and wish to keep close in my heart.

Embracing what IS is a far greater gift. It also allows me to move into arenas where I need not be The Sole Responsible Party. After all this time, that’s a sweet release indeed. While I feel challenged by this sea-change required of age-old behavior, I will rise to face it in my old age. With humility and trust that, in deed, continuous quality improvement has its limits.